you're my BITCH

Sunday, July 04, 2010

F E A R

The big quarrel had to happen on my birthday, it left me thinking so much; way too much. It instilled so much fear in me, I'm so scared right now. I fear the same will happen to me, I fear no mater how hard I try and how much I put into us how long I'll wait, I'll end up like Mom.

Who is there to assure me that my efforts will not go in vain, that there will be US one day? I wanna be something to you, I wanna be someone you can't live without; not someone you be with because you had no choice.

reported at;
time;12:18 PM

Friday, July 02, 2010

its my birthday today;

So many things I wanna say about how I feel but I never had the courage to. Its my birthday and honestly, I didn't wanna celebrate it. Everything hasn't been smooth sailing and there's something I want very much I knew I can never get it.

Was really surprised that you planned a mini gathering for me and even got me a gift; thanks bums it meant a lot to me. Thanks for all the efforts made, from getting my favorite cake, delivering it to Timbre, getting a gift for me all in within a few hours is madness. Really appreciated it.

I just wanna type out how I feel now, cause I knew I'd never have the courage to tell you face to face. The reason why I didn't wanna celebrate my birthday this year, cause I didn't wanna spend with someone whom is physically with me but not your soul. I know I can never make you smile like how she does, and I know she's still your first choice.

Sometimes I really wonder, when you asked me to attend some events with you, you might have already asked her and maybe she wasn't free that you had to ask me. Somehow I could feel that in your heart you wished that the one beside you wasn't me but her. I really hope that this will change one day, cause I'd be willing to trade anything for the real you to be with me.

Sometimes I wonder, am I allowed to feel tired, am I allowed to feel down and ask for some reassurance. But I knew I can't, cause you don't wanna commit and I can't ask for anything. Its really crappy inside but I can't voice them out. Its really hurting so bad, sometimes I just wanna give up, sleep and never wake up again. I feel tired but I don't wanna stop, I know I need to show you we belong together; but for now, can I have some assurance?

reported at;
time;12:32 PM

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ABOUTs.
name: the BASTARD & the BITCH
ever SINCE: 25 NOV 2005

calendars/events
Christmas & first MONTH anniversary! 251205
BASTARD's bdae 180686
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yesterdays.
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