So many things I wanna say about how I feel but I never had the courage to. Its my birthday and honestly, I didn't wanna celebrate it. Everything hasn't been smooth sailing and there's something I want very much I knew I can never get it.
Was really surprised that you planned a mini gathering for me and even got me a gift; thanks bums it meant a lot to me. Thanks for all the efforts made, from getting my favorite cake, delivering it to Timbre, getting a gift for me all in within a few hours is madness. Really appreciated it.
I just wanna type out how I feel now, cause I knew I'd never have the courage to tell you face to face. The reason why I didn't wanna celebrate my birthday this year, cause I didn't wanna spend with someone whom is physically with me but not your soul. I know I can never make you smile like how she does, and I know she's still your first choice.
Sometimes I really wonder, when you asked me to attend some events with you, you might have already asked her and maybe she wasn't free that you had to ask me. Somehow I could feel that in your heart you wished that the one beside you wasn't me but her. I really hope that this will change one day, cause I'd be willing to trade anything for the real you to be with me.
Sometimes I wonder, am I allowed to feel tired, am I allowed to feel down and ask for some reassurance. But I knew I can't, cause you don't wanna commit and I can't ask for anything. Its really crappy inside but I can't voice them out. Its really hurting so bad, sometimes I just wanna give up, sleep and never wake up again. I feel tired but I don't wanna stop, I know I need to show you we belong together; but for now, can I have some assurance?
reported at;
time;12:32 PM
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