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I know that I allow my mind to wonder a lot. Especially when I have nothing to do or facing some questions from me that I can’t find an answer to it. Sometimes I feel that I’m not worthy for this. Maybe I just don’t worth your love. Maybe? maybe. Loads of <3; BITCH reported at;
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Days haven’t been passing by well; ever since my phone was all crooked up and went haywire. Apparently the connection has some problem and the cost is going to be deadly. I really dislike this, being able to earn, yet needing to give out so much more? My new pay includes my daily expenses, repair for phone and even some stuff to pay up. I wonder will it be enough for me to survive a month. Traveling is enough to kill me and eat up my allowance. SIGHS, bad days ahead of me. I always thought that life is in a balance; means if your day started out bad, you’d have a nice ending or vice versa. My day was OK, but I really don’t wish to end my day with baby like that. I didn’t want to explain much; yet I can’t find a way to prove myself and what I have for him. Then the phone call made baby think that something was wrong. I was struck there, didn’t know what to do. The words that came out weren’t convincing to baby that nothing was wrong. I know it, in my heart; somehow. I was so afraid that he would just go off, I wanted his trust, but his face wasn’t really convincing of what he said. But I guess I didn’t have any choice but to go on, prove what I feel and what is in me. I want to be with baby, I wonder if the future would be promising, but I would give this a try, with all that I have. Not putting any less in this. If ever someone comes in and tries to be funny, As long as you’re holding tight, my hands wont let go. Baby, I’m all mesmerized by you again. All night today. reported at;
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ABOUTs.
calendars/events
yesterdays.
i feel that i'm a bad bf that cant makes u feel how impt u are in me...
i feel that i'm a guy who cant secure u enuff...
i feel that i'm a guy who can assure u enuff...
i feel that i'm a guy who always make u sad...
i feel that i'm a guy who always make u cry...
i feel that i'm a guy who always make u angry...
i feel that i'm a guy who always can't show u that right path...
i feel that i'm a guy who cant let u enoy...
i feel that i'm a guy who cant give u wad u wan..
i feel that i'm a guy who cant give u wad u wish for..
i feel that i'm a guy who cant give u wad other bf could give..
but now... i just wan u to feel and know that u are the most impt person in me now... i just cant bare to lose u.. so pls stop thinking that u are bad ok? seriously speaking... u ARE the MOST caring and the MOST understanding gf i EVER HAD...
sadden but filled with <3 and confident
bastard
time;2:35 AM
Sometimes I feel that I’m just not the one for you.
Sometimes I feel that the things that I could do for you are so limited.
Sometimes I feel that I’m not existent in your life.
Sometimes I feel that you’re better off without me.
Sometimes I feel that I can’t make you feel better after a tired day; instead I spoil your day even further
Sometimes I feel that you should have someone else instead.
Sometimes I wonder, how long can I shamelessly hold on to you; cling on you like a koala.
time;1:58 AM
bastard signing off!
time;7:21 PM
I can't be the more gentle
I can't talk softer
I can't NOT be clumsy
I'm ultra-extra-super-duper attention seeking
I need UBER ASSURANCE to feel alright
I sleep in the train and get all grouchy after that
I'm the worst girlfriend you ever had.
BUT; I'm selfish too. I chose to keep you with me.
I'm sorry but I really need you in my life.
time;4:12 AM
hmm.. next week okok? lolx.. next week i'll squeese out time for us ok? hehe.. and also u have 2 off days mah.. can JUMP on my bed again ok ok? ehhehe >.< yupz.. so wish to hug hug u.. hehe.. hmm.. looking at our path infront... everything seems smoother abit alr.. hehe.. agree? *nod nod* hehe.. yupz..
bastard
loads of <3
time;11:11 PM
Walked pass him just now and it all felt really weird? It’s been some time since I saw him; adding that he has been avoiding me for some reasons. He’s so much different now, yet I don’t feel a thing at all. Weeks back he was everything to me, but now; I wasn’t affected at all. I even felt great, being able to walk with the one that could really give me happiness. Instead, being like an idiot guessing his feelings for me.
I’d stick to the same phrase:
loads of <3;
BITCH
time;3:04 AM
YUPs. Mad because I havent been spending time updating this blog, and have been working my ass off recently. Acutally (not hot at all baby -______-") I find this job rather fulfilling. I do something everyday; I have friends( Loads of girl ones, for once I'm normal. >.< ); earn cash. That alone is good enough to fill up my life. At least I have an aim everyday. Seriously, I'm not really confident of my O's despite the studying and effort. But, I'm not going to care anymore, just hope for the best is all I could do. I have no choice either.
Now my life is so filled with Bastard; work and nothing else. Either I'm at work or I'm with him. Being too clinged on is not what I want; In fact its kind of scary to me. The fact that someone might just get sick and tired; and run away is like a natural occurance. It WILL happen one day. Somehow? Being independent myself hurts too. Knowing how much I need him and still stand alone is just as being SICK.
Everything resolved; cling on to MY BASTARD is the solution. Approved; non-refundable. :)
Wonder if we moved on too fast; or the days, time that we spend together is moving fast too. Whenever the clock ticks, whenever the watch beeps its one more hour near to going home time.
SKILL USED: XIA JIAO until baby say " okie.. 30 more minutes " >.<
Being overly mesmerized with his eyes and his scent is killing me. It just makes me wanting to see him more and more each day. Even being "lao gai" the whole day just to see him. SHIT! I'm poisoned.
Poison Name: Bastard-intoxified Poisonous Gas filled in the air attacking only the BITCH.
Antidote: Bastard's LOVE.
Christmas is here! I have so much to do! FOR YOU! >.<
with LOVE <3;
time;12:59 AM
BAH!
Woe to the way that I've been spending my days.Mom have been a monster at home and sis is back. The 'private space' is gone; resulting in the moodiness in me.Wasn't able to be that normal me since things are kept in my heart for too long. Didn'tfelt any changes in that bastard, so I thought he wasn't really that sensitive to my moods and all?
Went town for interview whilst Baby went to school. Met him after school and went around shopping,eating and chilling out.I think we kept eating when we're out.*SHIT!*
Till night (After shopping and all), I couldn't control my emotions and all and everything started to show on my face. Bastard wasn'treally happy about that, but I felt really helpless. I didn't had the strength to please him and make him feel that I'm fine.
For the first time I helplessly allow that BASTARD to get angry himself. iT's not that I didn't want to share, but I wasn't used to it. I need time to adapt this new person in mylife. I trust that he wants be to be good and all, but sometimes, bothering him with my problems is just not what I want to.
Cried till I fall asleep in the train *i know WEAK*. Reached Sembawang and my knees felt weak. YUPs, bastard got more worriedand pissedoff I guess. That's one thing that I didn't like to tell. I hate doctors, so I keep my conditions to myself all the time. *sorries baby* Baby insisted to take a cabbie home and we talked at the playground. I cried and told him everything. Then I realised that his eyes were all watery and red. When I feel better, its his turn.>.<
Seriously, I feel he brought this thign between us up another level.He teared not because I kept things from him but he thinks that he wasn't good anough to bring me happiness. He's just the first man in my life that teared because he wasn't sure enough to bring me happiness. God, I was damn touched by that. I didn't expect this from him; since we haven't started long enough. This thing assured me again, he must be the right one.
Baby, thanks for those tears.I wonder how often you cry but those tears were definitely the best thing I ever had from you.
Our 10th day in this relationship was spent this way.
Fruitful I guess?
loads of <3;
your BITCH
time;9:07 PM
loaded with <3
BASTARD
time;2:55 AM
she held this! with her reddish pair of eye and apologise... >.<
after tt is this, and my heart just melted!
well, actually still got the last one but i dun have the pic alr.. its a mochamisu from NYDC. it teasted so so so sweet.. just like as sweet as her.. i'm really getting indulge by her.. and i cant live without HER! BITCH! U R MINE!
time;3:36 AM
I need some dosage of ANDY LIM YONG CHEE. nowNOWnOwNOwnOW.. NOW! >.<
time;3:43 PM
I’m guilty for not trusting you and come into this earlier. [I’m HARD TO GET ok!]
I’m guilty for not realizing that you’re for real.
I’m guilty that I haven’t been treating you good enough.
I’m guilty that I will become a spoilt brat but I just don’t want to stop this.
I’m guilty for sleeping early yesterday and left you doing this all alone.
I’m really a BITCH. But, I hope you wouldn’t regret loving this bitch you have. Since, you’re not an angel but a BASTARD too.
Just like what I said, I wouldn’t think of an end to what we have now. It’s all so sweet and seducing for me to go on and on. Thanks for urging me to walk this way with you, you make me feel like a princess.
SOME lil facts about me:
I have been on my own, or a leader since young. I always yearn for someone that would lead me on, allow me to hide behind his shoulders and enjoy whatever that we have. Time and time again I stumbled because I’m tired giving; giving everything that I could to please. But I didn’t have the chance to feel the same way.
All the ‘I love you’-s and promises didn’t help after time passed. Instead it made me sick of what I have. It made me run away and refuse to accept another. Seriously, thank god you had some pride in wining me over?
If not I might have just lost a chance in having such a great man in my life. What amazed me most is that you didn’t really used promises to assure me. Neither did you use loads of I LOVE YOU-s to make me feel loved. Instead it’s the small things you do, the way you treat me that made me lean towards u more and more.
Now my greatest fear is to live without you.
WHERE’S THE METAL CHAIN?!?
*Locks your heart and throws the key away*
Baby, thank you for EVERYTHING.
loads of <3;
your BITCH
time;4:53 PM
time;2:15 PM
name: the BASTARD & the BITCH
ever SINCE: 25 NOV 2005
Christmas & first MONTH anniversary! 251205
BASTARD's bdae 180686
BITCH's bdae 020788
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