Definitely feels weird to have blog over here again after so much that happened. I bet you must be hating me right now and start flaming me online again. I get that; but I honestly don't know why you decided to just disappear. Oh well, I wish you well in all that you do then. I always hoped that we could be friends but I guess our relationship as been stretched way too long for us to be normal friends.
Find someone else and treat her right if you feel that you could have done more for me. You know what and where went wrong; so, don't make the same mistakes again. You will do well as a good boyf, just don't sway to the wrong path with the wrong company.
I do miss the attention I get from you when I complain about my back, my breathing and what not. You're sure right about fact that only you know me really well. But I also know it all has to end and I will have to learn how to stand on my own one day. As much as I could get whatever attention that I want, I never want to show my weakness; so not many know about me.
Maybe exams are coming up and stress is taking over me. Fainted twice in my own place and never dared to tell anyone about it. Injured my back during grocery shopping and I couldn't get outta bed. Part and parcel about living alone I guess.
"There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever." - M. Grey
You get what I mean when I don't want a relationship now? Its the fear that I fall in love and expose myself so much I get hurt so badly, again. I want to avoid that.
Anyhow, I wish you well.
Maybe this is the kind of closure that we never had.
reported at;
time;10:19 PM
Thursday, May 12, 2011
THE END
This marks the closing of the chapter. The End.
reported at;
time;9:02 PM
Monday, April 25, 2011
d e t a c h
detach. is the word that i received.
i've explained my moves, knowing what u want for now. what i get from your words are simply hurtful. u asked me to detach myself from u, meaning to ask me to drift away and leave u alone. are there any reason behind those? i dont wish to know. maybe u had found a target? or maybe u have too many suitors over there. yes, u are popular over there, infact everywhere.
now i realize actually its my fault for making this detach thingy happen. its my fault to bring up this blog for u to see and read those lovely times we had, but it only brings tragedy. i tried to recover the password and email for this and of all the efforts, u only saw those bad times rather than the good ones. maybe i should just close this loves sharing blog off and bury it deep down whr we cant find it anymore.
even if i posted this, i dont even know if anyone is reading . or again, its only publish bad memories and words and meanings.
lastly, i believe r/s need 2 hands to clap, if one party keeps believing it wont work out, it definately wont. so, till future, so long... gd bye.
happy 25th.
reported at;
time;12:36 AM
Monday, April 18, 2011
Communication
bums...... lets start a new chap in our life and add life to this blog ok? for this chap of our life, lets make this blog a place where we can talk heart to heart and talk everything of ours here yea? muacks!
reported at;
time;2:03 AM
lingers with the old taste feels good
I'm back from aussie, and weird enough, it felt so different from the other aussie trips i had been to. this trip is so special that it really set my heart in aussie esp. in Melb. The moment i saw u sitting at the lobby waiting for me, i heart just sunk! yes, it is true. i really felt the old us back again! Days in melb are short but i dare to admit it that it is really well spent. because i have the most caring person in the whole universe for me is there. spending all her time with me. Yes, the person is u, MA SWEETEST BITCH! The msg i wanna get across to you is that, i understand things cant get it righ at this moment of time because that we had our committment to make now, BUT! no matter how long u took to finish ur stuffs in aussie, no matter how long it gonna take for u to come back to SG, i'll still wait for u in sg for you with the warmest hug u ever get in ur life time. This flame rekindle and its gonna last! i swear! ever since 25 nov 05. Muacks!
reported at;
time;1:55 AM
Sunday, July 04, 2010
F E A R
The big quarrel had to happen on my birthday, it left me thinking so much; way too much. It instilled so much fear in me, I'm so scared right now. I fear the same will happen to me, I fear no mater how hard I try and how much I put into us how long I'll wait, I'll end up like Mom.
Who is there to assure me that my efforts will not go in vain, that there will be US one day? I wanna be something to you, I wanna be someone you can't live without; not someone you be with because you had no choice.
reported at;
time;12:18 PM
Friday, July 02, 2010
its my birthday today;
So many things I wanna say about how I feel but I never had the courage to. Its my birthday and honestly, I didn't wanna celebrate it. Everything hasn't been smooth sailing and there's something I want very much I knew I can never get it.
Was really surprised that you planned a mini gathering for me and even got me a gift; thanks bums it meant a lot to me. Thanks for all the efforts made, from getting my favorite cake, delivering it to Timbre, getting a gift for me all in within a few hours is madness. Really appreciated it.
I just wanna type out how I feel now, cause I knew I'd never have the courage to tell you face to face. The reason why I didn't wanna celebrate my birthday this year, cause I didn't wanna spend with someone whom is physically with me but not your soul. I know I can never make you smile like how she does, and I know she's still your first choice.
Sometimes I really wonder, when you asked me to attend some events with you, you might have already asked her and maybe she wasn't free that you had to ask me. Somehow I could feel that in your heart you wished that the one beside you wasn't me but her. I really hope that this will change one day, cause I'd be willing to trade anything for the real you to be with me.
Sometimes I wonder, am I allowed to feel tired, am I allowed to feel down and ask for some reassurance. But I knew I can't, cause you don't wanna commit and I can't ask for anything. Its really crappy inside but I can't voice them out. Its really hurting so bad, sometimes I just wanna give up, sleep and never wake up again. I feel tired but I don't wanna stop, I know I need to show you we belong together; but for now, can I have some assurance?
reported at;
time;12:32 PM
Friday, June 18, 2010
18th June; BUMSY's sinister day.
I've decided that every year, on 18th June is the day Imma make Bumsy feel like a sinister. Everything came a lil early though, planned a surprise for him yesterday at Helipad and I needed him to get outta his hse!
Headed to Gyu Kaku and had a really sinful meal; the wagyu beef that we had melted in our mouths, took our breaths away and made the kurobuta pork taste bad. Its so fatty it made us feel so sinful after! Maybe what made Bumsy feel a tad more sinful might be the watch? hmmm...
Anyhows,
I just hope that I'd have a chance to be by your side, be it birthdays, normal days or even days you feel down and defeated. Its the least I can do and it meant the whole world to be. Simple days are fulfilling too, lazing around or just a night out watching movie. Theres so much awaiting, and I wanna be facing them with you and only you.
Happy 24th Birthday Bumsy,
ILOVEYOU.
//xx;
honeybums.
reported at;
time;12:46 PM
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